I found this piece of writing as a draft that I wrote on the first day of this blog that I completely forgot about and after reading it, I wanted to share.
I think I stopped writing it, because it felt too real and I was scared of how people would respond so I stopped, posted some photos and felt like it was too late to explain the beginning. Now I believe that this is my space to share my experience and my intentions in hopes of connecting with others in a different way. So here you go… thoughts of the past me trying to figure out a good place to start. Looking back I think it would have been the perfect beginning.
“I love beginnings. I love new projects, I love having something “new and exciting” happening in my life, I love that fresh feel, but to be honest I am not much of a finisher…
When things get tough I am usually a pretty good quitter.
I quit singing, I quit dancing, I quit volleyball, I quit track, I quit the saxophone, I quit college. I am basically a pro at it. The moment it begins to feel like “too much” or “not enough” I am out. I shut down and bail.
I run from discomfort and I tend to live my life from a fear based state of mind. It seems safer.
I am ultra aware of this tendency, because I have spent the past 5 years in counseling picking apart my quirky behaviors and dissecting the history of where they are rooted. Counseling, surprisingly enough, I still have not quit and I do not plan on it. I continue to stick it out, because I know that self discovery never ends and learning to manage my emotions with professional guidance and accountability will help me navigate this crazy world.
I have been terrified to start this blog for years, because I didn’t want anyone to think I was lame or dramatic OR terrible at writing(which I still am not entirely sold that you all will not feel that way after my first post), but this this is the beginning. This is the beginning of me being vulnerable with my heart and my writing. This is the beginning of feeling comfortable doing something I have always dreamed about. This is the beginning and I cannot guarantee I will be consistent or funny or entertaining or that I will not quit eventually, but at least I started. This is the beginning and I hope you join me.”
| June 8th, 2017 |
Everyday can be the beginning of something absolutely beautiful, thank you for reading! See you soon!